in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I could make wine with my vomit
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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