I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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