i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How external is "for external use only"?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
