I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i think i just lost a toe
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
