she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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