you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
