I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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