Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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