White coat. Heels.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
