I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
