Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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