he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
