my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
