I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
