Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
