I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
