my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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