remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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