I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize