I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
