I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
