I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
