At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
