Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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