my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
