I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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