proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
