I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
