i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
