how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He better not be in your backpack
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
