i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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