My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
