Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
