Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
