well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
