The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sext me about skeletons
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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