So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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