Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
