Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
