That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im holly from the hills drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
