I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
