Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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