She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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