It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
