so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
