I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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