theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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