you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
