I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
no you cant smoke seaweed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
