Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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