No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
did you just send me my own nude
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
