don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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