corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
