The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
