Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
