Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
