somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
