no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
