You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
