i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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