sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
