I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
