I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
