I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize