There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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